Boys in Love
“Just imagine how easy and different finding and experiencing love would be if men took the same amount of time with women the way they do in secretly competing with each other for whatever reason, idolizing the wrong male celebrities and decoding the bars within dumb rap beef with artists like Drake, Kendrick Lamar, Metro and whomever else.”
To simultaneously be hopelessly, healthily, and unapologetically in love, while also being a teenager and a boy all in the same breath is something I wish could say is common. But I’ve run into very few, which tells me that it’s a trend to be “toxic,” “nonchalant” and just overall a terrible partner.
With that being said, I’ve looked at some of the issues in The Python Post discussing love and teenage relationships, but they are through the eyes, words and mind of a girl. It’s the same occurrence in the media: you see and hear women talking about love, their experience, their expectations, and everything else that comes with being in love. Never a man. Unless they’re middle aged, unemployed, and in dire need of a date and haircut all while unfortunately running a podcast.
I decided to take the brave task of not only speaking and listening to what a man has to say, but also to just hear what it sounds like to be in love. To be healthily, shamelessly, publicly, and officially (because situationships aren’t real) in love with someone.
Here’s the facts:
My investigation started out with looking for statistics proving the males in my generation as well as the one prior to mine struggle with being in love.
I’d first like to acknowledge before moving on, that your behavior while being in love does look different depending on the person. In addition to the fact that no relationship is perfect, I'm not looking to hear from Prince Charming.
According to Forbes Health, Data from Pew Research states:
“47% of Americans say dating is harder now than it was 10 years ago.”
“Additionally, 70% of Gen Z reported feeling stressed about their love lives, compared to 57% of millennials, 49% of Gen X and 27% of baby boomers.
In terms of Singlehood, “The share of young adults aged 18-29 was higher for men than women (75% compared to 66%).”
Among individuals in the youngest age group, Black adults had the highest level of singlehood at 82% followed by those who identified as Asian and Multiracial (both 76%).
Unsurprisingly, “White young adults had the lowest prevalence of singlehood in the 18-29 age group (65%) followed by Hispanic adults at 72%.”
Nearly half of Black individuals in their forties and fifties were single in 2023. Approximately 30% of Hispanic midlife individuals were single.
The statistics here have a history behind them that doesn’t really need analysis. Overall it can in fact be proven that men prior to my generation as well as within my generation do in fact struggle with being in love.
My Expectations Vs. Reality
I wanted to speak to the boys who I never could imagine would be in love with the girls I knew. It’s not because they’re bad guys, but overall, based on the reputation they were given and the guys they hang around, it’s kind of hard to imagine with the girls that I’m quite fond of.
And for the older men, or men in the generation previous to mine, I wanted to hear how it feels to be in love once your brain is fully developed versus a still developing brain and see if there were any similarities between the two, being that a boy will eventually become a man.
I first interviewed Christian Green. Although he doesn’t attend Comp Sci High, he’s well known amongst the boys in this year's graduating class. Before I got the opportunity to get to know him, I wrote him off as one of the boys that also followed the trend of being nonchalant, and “toxic.”
With David Cardoso, I admired the way he treats Kamiya as well as the way he interacts with others on a daily basis. I wanted to hear from him because he is someone society including myself considers an emotionally intelligent individual. He strays away from the “nonchalant” and “toxic” persona that is usually idolized.
Pablo Colon was another individual who I was excited to interview being that he’s with someone that I am very fond of. Being that I never really spoke to him, I didn’t have any thoughts on his character. But after seeing the way he treats his beautiful girlfriend I was curious as to what his responses would be.
Last but not least, Adyel Latingua, a long time friend of mine is someone I already knew would be a great fit for this paper. And while he isn’t nonchalant or toxic, he is still a boy meaning he has his faults. Overall, I knew he’d be a great fit being that I saw him fall in and out of love over the course of our friendship.
I began with following questions:
Q1: Have you ever been in love, and how would you describe it?
Christian: “Yes I have and am currently in love. I would describe it as a passionate and sweet feeling. It makes me smile and makes my heart warm.”
David: “Falling in love doesn’t always mean that your gf is your first love. My mother is the first woman I ever loved because she's been always taking care of me since I was little and I couldn’t ask for anything better than her. I’d describe it as feeling secure or safe with that person, wanting to keep pushing for them, be brave, make the hardest choices for them, and to keep improving myself.”
Pablo: “Yes, I would describe love as a strong connection that makes your world kind of light up in a sense contributing to you maturing for yourself and that individual you hold dearly.”
Adyel: “I’d describe love as a strong passion that makes you want to improve and be around someone no matter if it’s the best time or not.”
Q2: What made you want to be better for the current partner you have versus your other partners?
Christian: “I’ve been in a few relationships that I can confidently say I regret. Not only because of my choice in partner but because of who I was at the time. “When you know , you know” is a phrase I see often and I can promise you it’s definitely true. I'm learning to be a better man and am a better man because I see a future with her. I’m going to marry her, have kids with her and build a life with and around her. She has goals for herself as well as her life. She’s already shown me she wants better for me and perfectly demonstrates what love is.”
David: “To be honest, I’ve always been the same towards women; being kind and sweet and having respect for them. But there have been more gaps between my past relationships than my current ones. I used to be cocky and act like I know it all until I’ve met my person now. I’ve decided to mature in a way where I can be fun but be a leader for my partner. There’s always room for improvement, whether it be the smallest things or the biggest. I also want to be better because it's scary to lose someone very special to you and nobody wants to lose their special someone in their life.”
Pablo: “Honestly I would say the potential I saw in my partner and me because we had such a strong bond from when we first met and us being patient and understanding to one another.”
Adyel: “I realized that due to my relationships with everyone I never really knew how to be in a real relationship and I saw and knew I could do better as a boyfriend so I did and if I wasn’t sure if what I was doing was best or if there where areas I needed to improve I’d ask my current relationship is also the only serious one over ever been in 1 year plus you in my opinion have to know someone’s likes dislikes and do what you think is best with communication included in order to have minimal or zero misunderstandings.”
Q3: How do you know when you love someone?
Christian: “I never pictured myself being in love not at this age and honestly not for a while. But you’ll know when you realize you wouldn’t be the person you are today if it weren’t for meeting them. You’ll have this feeling in your heart when you see them and think about them smiling or happy and you genuinely feel a connection with them.
David: “ I’m aware of it when I’ve become vulnerable around them. I’ll care so much for the person where it makes me happy to hear that they are happy and well. Also when I’ve adopted the role of being a listener simply because I like to listen to them whenever they are talking about something that’s personal and I have sympathy towards them. Lastly, I'd like to plan so many dates with them because I rather spend my days with them than most of the people I know.”
Pablo: “I know I love someone when I start to do more things that’s out of my comfort zone even though I don’t usually do that because I’m lazy and also when I feel really safe and appreciated.”
Adyel: “I know I love someone when I want to help improve their life in any way possible whether it be giving advice, taking on responsibilities they have and wanting to be around them 24-7.”
My interviews with these boys proved that guys are more than capable of loving someone. but it takes the right amount of maturity and the right person.
Love over the years:
My last part of the investigation was hearing from guys who were in the generation before mine. I wanted to know if that same giddy behavior guys possess as teens would dwindle as they became adults.
I had a few male teachers in mind as well as males in my life for who I wanted to interview. But because it was last minute I only had the chance to interview family members.
Although my dad isn’t someone I wouldn’t describe as loving, I'm curious as to what his thought process is and why he struggles with accepting and giving love in a healthy way.
I also interviewed my uncle, Philip. Because he’s gay, I thought it’d be really nice to hear from his perspective on what it's like navigating marriage.
I started with the first question:
Q1. What can you say about love knowing what you know now versus when you were highschool?
My dad (Emil): “I can say that I’ve made some really dumb decisions that caused me to lose important relationships. However, I never regret anything I’ve done or said because I did it or said it for a reason whether it was known or not. Now knowing what I know, love comes and goes in different ways and forms and it’s up to you to decide whether you accept it or not.”
My uncle: “Girl the closet was see through but at the same time I was still afraid to interact with love. Just because it was known doesn’t mean I had to accept any love that was given out or offered to me. So I can’t say that I knew that much about real love as a young boy. But now that I’m married, I’m a lot like you. Accepting of love but knowing that it’s more than okay to leave when the love being given isn’t enough to you. I’m glad I didn't have to go through heartbreak to learn that.
Being that my family is family, meaning they’re a lot like me, they hate being interviewed and questioned. So I was only able to get these questions before I started either gossiping (with my uncle) or received an off topic lecture because of my questions (by my dad). Nonetheless, love and your idea of it can dwindle as well as change over time. It’s just a matter of what you do with it and who you let love you.
Interviewing these guys gave me some kind of hope when it comes to romance. I don’t think we’re totally doomed, but we’re on the verge to be quite honest.
Just imagine how easy and different finding and experiencing love would be if men took the same amount of time with women the way they do in secretly competing with each other for whatever reason, idolizing the wrong male celebrities and decoding the bars within dumb rap beef with artists like Drake, Kendrick Lamar, Metro and whomever else.