Posting While Black
“Posting while being a black girl is so hard. But it takes a lot of reflection and healing. I think you do have to go through some sort of adversity to figure out who you are and what you will allow.”
I don’t even know what beauty standards are. I just know that plus size girls are the most hated. And that darker-skinned black women are hated as well. If we don’t look like SZA or Zendaya then we are not attractive. I was wrong: I guess I do know the “beauty standards.”
I have struggled with understanding that, because I don’t look like Jayda Wayda or the Clermont Twins, I'm “ugly.” But that's not true. I have realized that you shouldn’t rely on social media to dictate if you are pretty or ugly, smart or dumb. Instagram is something I will refer to alot in this article. I want to be able to take you on a journey on what Instagram does to young girls and how it affects the brain, the soul, the self esteem and more.
You know how in a lot of shows there are like black token characters that are there just to be there? Their only purpose is to just be funny or just to support the main white character? They never are put with someone attractive on the show, but they are really close with the main character. They were never ugly but the production made sure to put them in the worst outfit ever. I felt like that was me at some point. I always felt that no one would like me. I felt like I always had great qualities (for what it’s worth, I still do), but for some reason the boys never wanted me. I was suddenly introduced into the world of social media. It was the place to be if you were conventionally pretty. If you had light skin with the right body and the “perfect hair,” you were automatically attractive. But why is that?
I was scrolling on my Instagram feed, and I came across this, which the poster agreed to let me republish:
“This post was meant to be,” I said to myself. So many people want to live the life that they see online with out understanding the repercussions. Posting yourself in a filter, so your shade looks slightly different or wearing certain things to make your body look more defined. I think the issue is that posting while being black or even as a black girl is so detrimental to the mental health of black girls. I’ve always struggled to find ways to make myself look more attractive on social media. I would see girls my age post in certain ways and they would be uplifted for it. I was always so self conscious with what I posted. One instance made me very self conscious was back in 7th grade.
I can say that 7th grade was one of the worst years for me in school. I had posted a picture of myself . I thought that the picture was so pretty. I went back to school and I heard that I was being compared to an animal. I did not know what that was classified as at the time, but now that I’m older, I know that this was racist. After that moment, I didn't even want to show my face online. I didn't know that, because I was black, it was an issue. I remember getting messages from the people that were talking about me, trying to make me feel bad about the situation. They were literally gaslighting me into thinking that I was wrong for finding out . Ever since that situation, I felt that as a black girl, my presence on social media was not wanted. I didn't understand why it was like that. It was hard for me to get over the fact that I was being compared to an animal.
It was hard for me to find what was pretty about me at some point. I struggled because I saw how easy it was for my lighter skinned friends to get hyped up for having a dog filter on. But when I had no filter on, it did feel like a ghost town. I believe that there is such a thing as pretty privilege. I would constantly have conversations about this with my friends who did have pretty privilege. Some of them do not believe that it is a real thing. I really don't understand why that is, because it is evident when you are able to get away with things or things go their way. Pretty privilege definitely does exist on social media. I think if you do match the beauty descriptions that society names, then it is easy for you to get away with so much.
When I was in middle school I definitely knew that I didn't have pretty privilege because of the way I was treated. I feel like especially being very sensitive at that time, people would walk around eggshells when talking about my appearance. I hated hearing that I was a boy’s type because I was dark skinned. But just as much as it hurt to hear in person, it kind of killed me online.
I want to be liked. I wanted to be considered to pretty, you know. I just never got why it was so hard for people to see me in that way. Black girls were in, eventually. Well, specific black girls were in. So many boys on social media, specifically on Tik Tok, have crushes on SZA and Zendaya. You had to have a specific aesthetic to now be considered cute. It was either you were an earthy black girl or a spiritual girly. No one of these aesthetics resonated with me at all. “So being black is a trend now,” you might ask. Yes, it is a trend.
Posting while being a black girl is so hard. But it takes a lot of reflection and healing. I think you do have to go through some sort of adversity to figure out who you are and what you will allow. I think these events have pushed me in a way to have a hard shell. It was hard trying to start allowing myself to post things that I actually like. I started feeling bad about myself. I hated that every time I would post there was always a thought in the back of my mind where I felt like people were talking badly about me.
There are a couple things to consider while posting black. There are such things as racial discrimination and bullying that will occur, and that's the sad fact. But Number One would be Authenticity: be true to yourself and the people around you. You can easily get lost trying to be 100 people at once. Number 2 would be Empowerment. This is your account. Let it be whatever you want it to be. Don’t feel forced to fall under some category. Lastly Number 3 would be Self Care . And when I say self care, I mean don’t get so hung up with the fact that you didn't get a certain amount of likes on your last post. Don't make your whole life dictated by social media because it can cause great harm to you.