Going the Distance
“If you feel a sensation of doubt, just remember: it's both of y’all against the world.”
When I think of relationships in high school, I think of three ideas: toxicity, love, and long distance relationships. But, to be honest, it’s mostly the long-distance part that gets to me. It's the hardest. Some couples seem to get through it and others…. Well, I wouldn't say don’t, but I would say that they struggle to maintain a relationship once it has to navigate the miles between it.
My experience with long-distance wasn’t the greatest. I felt distant. That’s funny, isn’t it? How distant is in the word distance? It wasn’t the same as how it used to be. My past relationship was like I was traveling in time. The time difference made it harder for us to communicate. Day by day flew by, and we started to communicate less. Started to text less. Didn't even get the chance to say good morning or goodnight. I was busy and so was he. We didn't have time to ourselves as we expected.
Many high school couples have been through the long-distance stage. But I had the opportunity to interview this one couple in particular, who have been together from their teenage years into their sixties! As I interviewed Devin Kelly's in-laws, who spoke on their long-distance relationship, they gave good advice and reasoning. Sue and John are highschool sweethearts. They met through friends and John was looking for a prom date, so he decided to ask Sue, and from there they got together. Here are some questions I asked and their responses.
First, I asked them how they came up with the idea to do a long distance relationship.
John said:“We went to different colleges. Sue went to Boston College, and I went to Bentley. We stayed connected. Sue had lived on campus, and I would commute.”
John commuted from outside of Boston. He told me: “We never went to school together, but it allowed us to grow independently.”
In response to the same question, Sue said: “We didn't want to meet other people, neither one of us found anyone better.”
I then asked them if they found it easy or hard to be in a long distance relationship.
Sue told me that “It was difficult being long distance.” It was made harder by the lack of technology. She said “We didn't have any phones back then…No facetime, no texting.” However, even though “it was a busy time” in Sue’s life, “John was in my corner.”
Finally, I asked them for one piece of advice they would give to a high school couple that wants to try long distance.
Both of their responses acknowledged helping the other person be the best person they can be. John said three things to me:
“It's important to make sure that person grows.”
“Be supportive.”
“If it’s meant to be, it will be.”
Sue told me that “You want your partner to experience everything they can.”
Their advice has worked for them, as they have been together for almost forty years. Sue and John are a lovely couple. Going to different colleges made their relationship grow fonder and stronger. If you both want it, you can have it. At times it can be difficult, as Sue said, but it is a matter of growth and effort.
I also interviewed Alex Murray, and he was in a long distance relationship with his wife, Maru. Alex and Maru went to different schools. For 3 years, she was in grad school, and for 2 years, he was in grad school. It was a total of 5 years of long distance.
Alex never viewed distance as an obstacle in his relationship. He said, “Never end a trip without having a date out for the next one.” Plans after plans are a good way to have a strong connection with your partner. “Everyone in a long distance relationship has to find a way to make it work for them,” he told me, before saying: “Don't limit yourself to be entirely consumed by the distance between you.”
Alex Murray's goal was to end up back in the same city as his wife. Later on, he figured out that he and his wife can’t put their personal and professional lives on pause and shut themselves from new experiences. Murray was so glad that he didn't, because now he has so many memories with his wife. They would even send motivational letters to one another. One of them said: “The distance between you does not determine your creativity!”
Do you think long-distance is the best option for you and your partner? This is not a decision you can make on a whim, but you can be closely aware of what to expect from being in a long-distance relationship. After hearing Sue and John’s long distance relationship points and Alex Murray’s relationship points, I can say being supportive holds your long distance relationship secure. There's many things to experience while being far away. The stronger you are the stronger the distance.
If you feel a sensation of doubt, just remember: it's both of y’all against the world.