On Being the Only Girl
“I led the team’s first speech. That churning feeling arose but this time it was different. Yes, I was nervous to be there, but I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.”
It was half time, my team was down 1-0, and as I was tracking back, THUD. I was kneed on my side, I immediately fell to the ground, rolling. On the muddy ground, I thought to myself the obvious question, why am I here? What led me to this point?
I was subbed out shortly after and while still holding my sides and sitting down, I thought back to the first day of tryouts.
I barely got any sleep that day; feeling too excited to finally play in a real high school team.
As I was packing my things to go to school the following day, a thought crossed my mind. “What if I'm told that I won’t be able to play? What if they don’t allow me to try out?”
The excitement of trying out for the soccer team shortly died down soon after. Feeling all frantic, my thoughts didn’t allow me to sleep, so I did something any reasonable teenager would do. I g-chatted Coach Ayala at 12 a.m, asking him if I would be allowed to try out.
The following day, I arrived at school, rushing to my cousin, Many Ramirez.
I asked him, “Hey, what if they don’t allow me to play?”
“Who? Why wouldn’t they?” he replied.
“I don't know — the school. I g-chatted Coach Ayala yesterday because on the flier it says all boys not all people.”
“You should tryout regardless, I doubt they’ll say no.”
The bell rang, and I quickly exited advisory with the thought of not being able to play still lingering.
2nd period rolled around and I was still feeling anxious, so I opened my laptop to see if Ayala responded. A reply popped up. “Unfortunately, girls cannot participate in games.” My heart had stopped; throughout my past few years I was able to play regardless if I was a female, and at that moment I felt a wave of both frustration and sadness come over me. Unable to process what I just read, I turned off my computer. By the end of 2nd period I told my cousin that I couldn’t try out. Sensing my visible frustration, he still recommended that I go.
“As I was saying, regardless if he told you not to attend, I think you should still go. You used to hold your own against guys when playing. What's the difference now? Plus you never know. Coach might change his mind. You're not scared, are you?” Many said.
For the rest of the day I was all over the place. I was glad I got a response to put my mind at ease but at the same time I wasn’t. The sentence that Many said towards the end had replayed in my head over and over. He was wrong, I was scared, scared to fail, scared I won't be able to prove myself, even more scared to try and prove my capabilities.
At the end of the day, I went home. I was still unsure if I should go, regardless of what I felt. I grabbed my soccer things and headed out the door.
Arriving at tryouts I saw my friend, Adam Osorio, and Many. Looking behind them, fear struck in. There was a ball of kids surrounding the coach. He spotted us, stepped away from the kids and approached us. He introduced himself as the one and only Mr. Sturdy. He greeted both Many and Adam, asked them if they were here to try out, and they both replied yes. Noting that, he told them to change, then shortly after strutted away without a second thought as to why I was even there. Did it only seem as if I came to support my cousin?
I froze.
I stood there stunned, not knowing how to react. I broke out in a cold sweat. Was I supposed to introduce myself to him? Do I just leave? Do I call him back?
“Just call him over, after all you said before this is an all-boys team I don't think he expects any girls to try out.” Many said.
“I don’t know, maybe I should just go home,” I said.
Sensing my hesitation, Adam called Mr. Sturdy back.
“Yeah, this is Denisse, she’s also here to try out.”
“Oh okay, my apologies, get ready and hop in whenever,” he responded
My shame quickly turned into relief. After Mr. Sturdy gave another introduction to the group and set expectations, he pulled me aside telling me that Coach Ayala had told him about a girl wanting to join. Giving me the same response as Coach Ayala, I said okay. Additionally I was told I could potentially be given the position of a manager. Hearing that outraged me, yet instead of voicing my concerns, I let them immerse within me. I believed I was as good as anybody on the field.
Tryouts had ended and once again, Mr. Sturdy approached me stating that he said he would ask Coach Ayala again.
Once I returned home I felt drained, as if all the energy I had that morning had faded. That night I couldn’t sleep. I cringed at the mistakes I made throughout practice. Wondering if I would even be considered to play, I had fallen asleep.
Monday had arrived.
I spent my whole lunch period looking at the TV in the cafeteria. Just waiting on the announcement for who made it into the athletic teams to appear on the screen. Then, I happened to come across Mr.Ayala, who told me the shocking news. I was in. At that moment I could've jumped up and down in joy but instead I held my contentment and thanked him. We talked a bit more and even mentioned Title IX, “a civil rights law that prohibits schools or educational programs that receive federal assistance from discriminating against anyone on the basis of sex.”
After school ended, I went home. I went running to my mom who happened to be in the kitchen and I excitedly told her the good news: “Ma me aceptaron. Estoy en el equipo de fútbol.” My mom hugged me and with a soft smile told me, “Ves mija yo se que puedes, echale ganas.”
On Friday I was at my doctor’s appointment. I had terrible luck. That day specifically as a team we were choosing captains. Bummed out, I vowed to run home and go straight to practice even though my arms were sore from the shots I've received. I arrived 20 minutes late to practice.
Many ran up to me.
“Hey, congrats. You are one of the captains now,” he said in an enthusiastic tone.
I let out a huge gasp. I was shocked. I could never have dreamed about being on the team, let alone becoming one of the captains.
My first game was nothing like I expected.
I led the team’s first speech. That churning feeling arose but this time it was different. Yes, I was nervous to be there, but I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.
Running through the field, it all felt surreal. Similar to getting on a roller coaster and almost descending. Although we ended with a tie, nobody beat each other up over it.
Throughout the season I became closer to the team, up to the point where we would go out to eat pizza together after practice; even knowing that Mr. Sturdy would make us run laps because of these outings. Stepping onto the field with my teammates I always find a sense of comfort. I am glad to be given the opportunity to participate, and I cannot thank the people who helped me throughout my journey enough.