Her Story (Part One)
Editor’s note: This piece mentions difficult, sensitive topics. As such, because of the serious nature of this piece, I’d like to provide you with a link to the NYC 988 hotline, which can support you if you are struggling with a similar circumstance: https://nyc988.cityofnewyork.us/en/
“No one told me the world was so cruel and manipulative. I started to realize this when I was in the third grade, when I was only so young.”
Chapter 1: A Normal Life?
“Anaelah, is just a normal girl who has a normal life. Surely there’s nothing that’s worth reading about her.”
Let me prove you wrong. For starters, no, my life isn’t normal. In fact, my life has a story to tell, so does everyone else around me. And with writing this article you will understand me as a growing person.
Chapter 2: Gifted but Struggling
From what I can remember since I was a little girl my main goal in life was to succeed in everything I did, whether that be getting good grades, getting a good job, a good life, and a good name for myself. But what I didn’t know was how hard it would be for me. From the age of 8, I was labeled as a gifted child with many talents and a wide variety of personality and traits that weren’t normal for a child to express at such an age. I was told every day “Anaelah you are special and so talented,” “you’ll be famous and rich when you're older” and I believed it, but what I didn’t believe was the downside of how my life would change in the future from those words. No one told me the world was so cruel and manipulative. I started to realize this when I was in the third grade, when I was only so young, the real world had matured me to raise my guard and not take anyone’s sh*t. But I still did.
Chapter 3: The Relocation
In my eyes, I labeled myself as “little Ms. unfortunate” but not because of my looks but because of my level of intelligence. I was filled with a class of gifted students who understood what was happening and what they were learning, but when it came to me, I always struggled. Math? Didn’t understand it. ELA? How do I start a sentence? History? Science? I understand, but that didn’t matter to me. I felt like an outcast. An idiot. A child with a head full of make-believe scenarios of lives I would live based on my talents. I knew I couldn’t do anything without an education, but things never clicked.
And what made this harder was having to move states. This only made my learning experience crumble more. In the year 2015, I was a Florida kid turning into a New York kid. This was a really big change. And I wasn’t welcomed with open arms, instead I was welcomed with open insults and criticism. By the time I moved up to New York, I was 9 years old going on 10. I wouldn’t say my family and I moving up to New York was as easy as opening a book; it was like opening a well-wrapped Amazon package. My parents barely had enough money to get us groceries, but we made it through and worked together.
Chapter 4: The School System
As a young child, I needed to be enrolled in school. Imagine this: a Florida kid going to a New York school. It’s like an alien coming to earth. And that’s how it felt. In the school system, they make you take a test to see where your intelligence lies so they know where to put you. You’re either with the smart kids, the kids who might have a future, or the kids who won’t get as far as working as a fry cook. And if you were to guess where I was put, I was put with the fry cook kids.
I remember looking at the intelligence test on my first day of school thinking “what the hell am I even looking at?” And once I was done, the lady who had assigned me the test checked it, and graded it and found a special place to put me. While the lady told my mom my level and told me she would put me in my class, I could feel the nervousness flowing through my veins. I walked through those hallways looking around at everything that interested me.
Chapter 5: The Alien in the Room
And suddenly the lady stopped; she opened the door to a classroom and told me to go in. I felt so scared of how they would look at me and I’m glad I was prepared because, as expected, “I was the alien in the room.” The kids looked at me with wide eyes and closed arms. As the teacher told me to introduce myself, I stood there trying my best to keep my composure at bay. But it was hard. I am a very sensitive child with a big heart, and the image of me embarrassing myself scared me, so I said “hello, my name is Anaelah. I am 9 years old and my birthday is in May.” Pure silence filled the room. I could hear a pin drop. The teacher, who I will call Ms. Math, broke the silence: “welcome Anaelah, please have a seat.” As I walked to my seat, I locked eyes with at least everyone in that classroom. I never forgot their faces.
Chapter 6: Middle School Struggles
But my life from that point on never got easier. I won’t say I didn’t make any friends; of course I made friends, but they weren’t good for/to me. This was the beginning, and everyone knows you never stay little forever. When I graduated from elementary school, middle school was next on my list. As a New York newbie, I was excited to have a fresh start from the beginning.
I remember the first day vividly. I had on my I.S. 131 Albert Einstein uniform, my blue ironed shirt and clean khaki pants, one slicked-up puff, and checkered Vans, with a cute blue monster backpack. I was ready to go. I lived near the school; it was a 3-minute walk. Walking with my parents with a huge smile on my face not knowing the neglect and hatred that I had just entered.
Chapter 7: The Class Division
I was in the 6th grade at this point and I had made a handful of friends, and for some reason, I already had a love interest (I was way too young to have a lover), but back to the story. I was placed in a group called 605. This number was a label for how smart you were. If you were in 601 you were extremely smart, and the lower your number was, the less smart you were. And I think you guys know what it means when you are at 605. I was “not smart,” but my intelligence wasn't the hard spot in my middle school experience.
Chapter 8: Pedro
My life began to break when I met a boy named Pedro. What I thought at first was a crush was just the devil opening the door to my life. I tried everything in my power to be a perfect girl at the age of only 11 for a boy who couldn't give two sh^ts about what I was or what I did. This relationship broke my relationship with my mother and father because I tried everything in my power to speak to him and give him my all, and he didn't give that in return. No matter how many times my phone got taken, I got yelled at. I was already a brainwashed, drained middle school child.
But I won't blame this boy for everything. The friends I had were not good either. They would make me do things for fun; they would laugh at me when I thought they were laughing with me. I tried so hard to fit in that I was unrecognizable to my parents. Their little girl, with such a reactive mind, was gone. It was just an empty pre-teen girl with no self-respect and crippling confidence. And her breaking point was about to begin.
Chapter 9: Downward Spiral
Due to me trying to fit in, I never worried about my grades, and they were really bad, so I was placed in summer school. Long story short, he cheated on me. And to make matters worse, he and his friends, including the people I thought were my friends, added me into a group chat on Snapchat, and I was 1 against 57 6th graders. I was being laughed at left and right trying to define myself from the backlash and hate. But over 50 students were laughing at me and I couldn't defend myself. No matter how hard I tried. I was an outcast. I developed depression and child trauma.
And I thought maybe I can do good in summer school and pass on to the next grade with smooth sails. But I, of course, didn't get what I intentionally wanted. One day I was in my math class, and due to me finishing my work, I started to wander across the room and found myself in the middle of the doorway. And a boy named Terrence was walking through the hallways at the same time I decided to stand in the doorway. And me and this boy didn't have a good friendship status because he was at that time using me for his "summer fun." So while I was minding my business he suddenly says, “Anaelah, get the fuck back in the class.” I responded regarding my shock and quick understanding: “shut up and leave me alone.” Out of context, he said, “I'll slap the sh^t out of you right now.” I replied back with, “you won't slap anybody.” As soon as those words left my mouth, his hand had somehow aligned with my face completing a slap. I have never and never will let a man slap me over protecting myself and my peace of mind.
Chapter 10: Seeking Justice
I snapped and chased this boy all over the school with multiple people holding me back. But I wasn't even Anaelah; I was a woman in a bad situation wanting revenge. I never got my justice. Just a sorry and a “don't do it next time,” and my life seemed like it could never have any peace at mind. I was happily able to go to the 7th grade, relieving stress off my parents of me being a failure, so I thought. I had gained some friends, but it wasn't the same because they didn't defend me when it was 50 to 1.
But I met a girl named Diamond, and she was an 8th grader with no respect for others around her. And she would love to pick on me and make fun of me throughout my 7th grade year, but it all came to a halt when a boy she liked fell in love with me. His name was Justin; he's not very important to me, but to her, he was. And she couldn't stand the fact that a boy who had his mind set on me instead of her. So she thought “maybe if I get rid of her, there wouldn't be any competition.”
Chapter 11: The Threat
And while I was in my afterschool program, I had got a phone call saying with scared-sounding voices and ongoing text messages from my small friend group and people who knew: “Anaelah, don’t go outside; she's waiting to stab you.” My heart sank down to my intestines. I responded shaken with fear, “what do you mean she's waiting to stab me?” Their response made me feel emotionless because I really hit rock bottom. “It's Diamond; she doesn't want you here because of you being Justin's love interest.” In all honesty, that was the dumbest thing I ever heard. I could even imagine the headline of my story's death: “12-year-old girl stabbed from jealousy of another fellow girl.”
Chapter 12: High School
A life of chains and dead bodies is what I had. No day for me could ever go well without something happening to me. But what made it worse is that my brain wasn't even fully developed and had thoughts of hurt and pain. September 2021, my high school year began at CompSci High. I fought for no drama, no grade issues, no nothing. But hell, I'm a magnet for hate, betrayal, usage, and disrespect. I was given the gift to make a group of friends; they were not 100% perfect, but they were right for me.
At that time, I met a boy I knew from elementary school who was cool, funny, and respectful. I don’t go into detail, but I lost that friendship over drama. But he wasn't important. Never was. Never will be. Through my new beginning, I met new people fit for me and I had teachers who were respectful and helpful. I can honestly say that my freshman year was smooth for the most part, and nothing hurt me the way I was going to be hurt in my 10th-grade year.
To be continued…