The Girl Dads of Comp Sci High
I have seen girl dads every day in the halls of Comp Sci High, but I never know what's happening on the inside of each of these father’s minds. Girl dads go through something different than just parenting. It’s a new kind of responsibility, and certainly a special one. I have heard many dads who want sons, but these dads each have daughters.
So, I thought of all the teachers and staff members who are girl dads: Mr. Berrios, Mr. Heyes, Mr. Mosley, Mr. Ryan, Mr. Murray. There are more, I know, which is a testament to how many girl dads we have at this school. I talked to some people who have been girl dads for a long time and others who just became a girl dad, seeing what they’re excited for.
At first, I spoke with Mr. Berrios:
“To me, being a girl Dad is this juxtaposition of this animal instinct to ensure she is safe and protected but also a nurturing sense of displaying vulnerability. Being a girl dad means having the honor and duty to set a standard for what respect, kindness, empathy, honesty and trust should look like in a relationship. I model this everyday in my relationship with my wife and how I speak with my daughter is important for her to see.
I get to show her how adult men should properly interact and treat her and how anything less than that should be unacceptable. Regardless of who my daughter decides to spend the rest of her life with — male, female, and anyone who identifies as either or neither — I know that my daughter will know what it means to feel provided for, looked after and protected.
In addition, I feel an obligation to teach how to be careful and to know how to defend herself, it's why I know she's going to learn to box as she grows up. I think most fathers always want to instill a sense of protection for their daughters because when we're not there to protect them, they'll need to protect themselves. I know I am going to show my daughter so many things, like how to cook, how to change tires on a car, how to program, how to game, but all in all, it means showing what is possible from a persona that is often stigmatized for needing to be hard on the outside and emotionless on the inside. I refuse to be a dad that doesn't cry in front of his daughter but I will be the dad that knows how to pick up the pieces should she ever need me to.”
Mr. Berrios' story on his vision of being a girl dad offers a perspective of protection and setting an example of what a man is and how a man should treat their partner and family. He is teaching his daughter the ways of life: defense, learning right from wrong, caution, respect, and more.
I spoke with Mr. Mosley, and he said:
“Being a Girl Dad has been very eye-opening and rewarding. It teaches me so much about myself. It has shown me all the many ways that I am a very patient person and the minute ways in which I am not. It has taught me to be so much more intentional in the ways that I interact with my daughter, wife and the people in my life.
It has been a rewarding experience because my daughter has such a strong will and powerful spirit. Trying to find the balance between guiding her and setting appropriate boundaries vs letting her be herself and navigate the world on her own terms is not for the weak.
It's very challenging, but fun seeing her reflect a little bit more of us (parents) each day. Also, my daughter is just fun. Like as a tiny little person, she's already such a hoot to hang with. I legit love spending time with her and putting her on to all the things I love. I watch One Piece and she's right there with me. I play some video games and she is picking up her toy controller to "play" right along with me. If the music is on, then we are ON the dance floor. There's no exceptions with her. I've got a built in dance partner for life now and she knows it. I always look forward to the young woman she develops into, but there's always that fear of the world.
This world is a scary place, so making sure she has the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical strength to navigate it has become my number one job. CSH is a close 2nd. But it's a calling I've had since I was young and I enjoy being the father I've always wanted to be.”
Mr. Mosley really brings the dream of his world into his daughter’s world. He is teaching his daughter but also leaning into her joy. Even through the challenges he faces everyday, he still has a fun experience with his daughter. Even through the hardships, he finds the fun in it all.
Then, I spoke with Mr. Ryan:
“Being Elena's dad means the whole world. She offers me a light in my life that continues to shine through to even the darkest parts of me. She wakes up each day so full of excitement and curiosity about the world. I'm so grateful to get to be reminded that we can choose to view life that way — with wonder. I'm proud of how tough she is, but also how sweet and gentle and compassionate. She teaches me something new each day. Spending time together, doing anything, fills me with so much joy and love. I truly am a lucky man.”
Mr. Ryan showed us a more sentimental part of being a girl dad, and how dads can learn as much from their daughters as their daughters learn from them.
I spoke, too, with Mr. Heyes, who said:
"Being a “girl dad” is the greatest privilege of my life. My daughters are my whole world, and every day is more fulfilling than the last. Watching them grow, learn, and discover who they are is an experience beyond words.
What I didn’t expect when becoming a father was just how much they would teach me. They’ve shown me new perspectives and reminded me of the importance of patience, empathy, and the pure joy in life’s little moments.
I do my best to guide them, support them, and help them become strong, confident, and compassionate individuals, but the truth is, they’ve shaped me just as much as I’ve shaped them."
Mr. Heyes echoed a lot of Mr. Ryan’s viewpoint, about how much he has learned from his daughter. They both exude so much gratitude for their children.
Finally, I had the opportunity to sit down with Mr. Murray for a full interview, as he is the most recent “Girl Dad” of Comp Sci High. Below is what we spoke about.
The Python Post: Hey Mr. Murray, I'm glad to be meeting with you today to talk about our article on girl dads. So we're going around the school to see how it feels to be a girl dad? So my first question is, when you first found out that you were having a daughter, how did it feel?
Murray: Super excited, very excited; we found out we were having a baby at the end of last year. And then, I believe in early July, we found out that we were going to be having a girl. I was secretly hoping for a girl. I was actually secretly hoping for twins, I've since changed my mind ever so slightly, learning how challenging it is to have just one in the house.
I was super excited to have a girl. I didn't know that we were going to. I didn't know that it was going to be possible for us to have a girl though, because at this point, I'm one of three boys, my brother and his partner at the time, had a four year old boy. They now have a set of twin girls, so they all sort of came at once, but we thought it was completely impossible for anyone in my family to have girls.
The Python Post: When it comes to now having this responsibility, what challenges do you think you'll be facing as she grows up?
Murray: I think that there's a whole host of challenges that are unique to being a young girl and to eventually growing into being a young woman. I don't quite know what all of those challenges are going to be. I sort of have a sense for them and feel a deep sense of responsibility and an additional sense of protection over both her and her mother. I really rely on my wife for a lot of questions that I have because, like I told you, I spent a lot of time around boys and young boys growing up and my family was all boys. And so now, I wonder the extent to which part of my personality will fit with the needs or challenges that a young girl may present.
For me, those moments would definitely be moments of growing and moments of learning. I like seeing a world from a new perspective, through the eyes of a young girl. I think it is going to be both rewarding and challenging. An additional degree of listening and maybe filtering things through a different lens and being open to a different perspective from somebody who's experiencing the world in a much different way than I ever did and never would, is going to be a unique challenge in itself.
The Python Post: That's understandable.
Murray: I've never been a young girl before, and so I don't have any personal experience with it myself. Whereas like in life, you base your actions off personal experiences that you've had to help guide others, right? Whether it's in teaching or being a friend, or a brother, a father, a family member, but for the first time in my life, I don't have that personal experience. I have proximity to people who've been young girls and young women in the world and I love many of those people, and it's like, for the first time, I don't have personal experience to go off them, and so I sort of have to learn.
The Python Post: This leads to my next question: now that you're brand new into fatherhood, what's something you look forward to when starting this family?
Murray: I look forward to creating these memories among the three of us, I think there are so many beautiful times in your life when you're starting a family between meeting your significant other and getting married if you choose to, between trying to start a family and having a child. I think that, for my wife and I, it has been really, really special to do that in New York, which is a place that both of us moved to in order to be able to call home.
Mr. Murray here tells us what he looks forward to in his next steps of recently being a father and a girl dad. He shares his wonders and dreams that he is extremely excited for. What awaits in his vision; will what he shared be exactly the case or will he be surprised even more by the most extraordinary thing that has ever happened to them?
Here we have seen many different visions of what a girl dad is and what it represents, and we are so lucky to have so many examples of these perspectives in the halls of Comp Sci High.