Her Story (Part Two)
“I've learned from these experiences that people don't deserve my time and effort if I can't get that in return. I am more than what people make me to be, and this is my story of trial and error.”
Chapter 13: The Infatuation
“You're probably wondering, Anaelah, how was your 10th-grade year bad at a school you like?” Well, because I let an immature boy break me down. In the past, I have felt used by boys for their emotional growth and benefits, and some girls dislike me for those boys, and half the time I don't even care about the boy. But once, I was given the opportunity to find “toxic love.”
While I was having a normal day, I walked to the lunchroom and sat in my normal lunchroom seat when a boy caught my eye. He was tall, brown-skinned, and handsome overall. From first glance he looked like a dream, but I didn’t know what would happen next. Soon, I had his phone number. And I reached out to him. Shorty after that I found us falling asleep on the phone; he would make me laugh and say beautiful words a girl would want to hear. Then he asked me out.
For the first time, a boy asked me out, and I didn’t have to do it; it made my heart melt into what I called “real love,” from texting quietly and showing affection in private to hugging and holding hands in the halls.
Chapter 14: The Trip
We were going to visit colleges and I was so excited because I could be with my friends in a room, like an out-of-house sleepover vacation. And I thought the boy I loved would be having fun and would be happy to see me. He didn't even look my way when we left for the first college. An hour went by and he didn’t text me.
Shortly after we got to our hotel, and I got a room with my close friends. In our room, we were dancing and enjoying each other's company, and I had the bright idea to trust the people to see a post in my close friends on Instagram. Then I got a text from him: “So, this what you do when I'm not with you?” I replied so quickly I didn't even think, “What happened babe?” He responded with “Nah, it's cool; you do you.” My heart froze. I went into panic mode: “Babe, what did I do; can you tell me please?” I was left on delivered and didn't get any response.
Chapter 15: The Downward Spiral
I was left to cry and question myself about what I did wrong. This quick emotional drop made me hurt. I couldn't eat and I struggled to sleep. I was a wreck. When I woke up, I didn't even say good morning. I looked at my phone hoping for a text message. I didn't even get anything; my phone only had Amazon notifications. And just like that, off to our second college. When I say I was so out of my mind, I don't even remember the names of the colleges. I didn't eat, didn't smile, didn't want to be bothered. Because a boy that I thought trusted and loved me the way I loved him got mad at me for being myself with my friends.
And what killed me inside was his friends posted a video of him wilding out and being himself. After my group had visited another college, we were meeting with the other group, his group, at Dave and Busters. That was my moment to go see him and speak to him and “apologize.” I don't know why I was going to apologize, but I was just so in love that it was my fault. My fault for having fun, my fault for being myself with my friends, my fault for him seeing the video.
Chapter 16: The Breaking Point
When this happened, though, he didn't even look my way. I broke down even harder because for my first real relationship, the way he treated me made me rethink how I was normally treated in my past. While he was all over the place with his friends, I sat with my friends crying and being upset for the whole trip. I couldn't believe that I let a boy ruin my trip without my family.
I was so hurt and kept making excuses: “Maybe he is the one who's hurt; maybe he was going through something at home.” In my mind, I had the bright idea: maybe if I get him a gift, he will feel better. I was so wrong. He didn't even take the gift; he didn't look me in my eyes, and he didn't respond with a good answer.
Chapter 17: Moving On
That was my breaking point. I broke down and walked away. I ran to my friends and we walked out of the toxic infused place. The air in that moment was so thick I felt I was drowning when I wasn't even in water. I couldn't believe my own mind, eyes, and heart were feeling like they were malfunctioning. I stayed in this cycle for three months. If I did something he didn't like, I would be left ghosted, or alone, and no one to check up on me. Days of me apologizing, buying him gifts, and all the while my parents didn't even know.
Chapter 18: A New Beginning
Fast forward to May, my birthday month. A burst of excitement flooded through my body because I had selected a group of people, including him, to go out for dinner in the city and have a ball. We had just finished an exam and were waiting for my father to pick us up to take us to the city while everyone was saying “happy birthday, Anaelah” and my friends handed me my gift. The person I really wanted a gift from was him. All I got was “you look pretty” and empty hands.
I'm the type of person where anything is a gift to me; it could even be a piece of candy. But I didn't let that stop my special day. Until I realized my father would meet the boy that I loved. Shortly after that thought popped into my head, my father rolled up in a nice rental car to fit us all. We soon arrived at my apartment parking lot. My parents had told us “everyone come out of the car,” and little did I know they would sing happy birthday to me. They began in a chorus with my mother holding a cake, while my father watched him.
Chapter 19: His actions
My father’s the type of man who can get a sense of who you are from your body movements and your presence. And the way my father looked at him, I knew he didn't like him. Shortly after they sang and I blew out my candle, my father introduced himself to my friends. When my father went to introduce himself to my boyfriend, my father froze and grabbed his hand, looked into his eyes, and didn’t say as much as just a “hello.” It’s like my father knew something would happen, and something did.
When we made it to the city to eat, we sat down at a BBQ and began ordering. When I noticed my boyfriend wasn't speaking, I asked, “hey babe, you ok?” He shrugged and went on his phone. He says “yea” so nonchalantly, and this is what I normally went through for those 3 months. He dumped me right after.
Sad to say that this relationship changed me for the worst. I'm not happy, and I lashed out on my friends and family because I never wanted to be hurt by anyone again. I let his actions go unspoken and I had no help and couldn't do anything but feel as though I was in the wrong. What killed me was how I made a fool of myself trying to stand up for myself, but he just thought it was a door to getting back together. And we did. I kept hurting myself for this person. And this made me look like I was desperate for him when I was just happy I was given the opportunity to show love to someone who showed love to me in the beginning. This is not a story of hate, but rather a learning lesson, and a reinforcement of my own inner child, who I love.
Chapter 20: Lessons Learned
I've learned from these experiences that people don't deserve my time and effort if I can't get that in return. I am more than what people make me to be, and this is my story of trial and error. I didn't let these bad things stop me. I am now a well-decorated student, with creativity and an open mind. And I have worked hard to get where I am. And the people in my life are the people who I love and they love me show me they do. I am who I am and I will always be more then just Anaelah. I’ll be me.